“When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.”
John 10:4 (ESV)
We all have a natural voice filter. Our ears tune into certain voices and subconsciously tune out of others. For example, I can hear my AuDHD preteen cuss from her room yet have no idea what my husband is saying when he’s sitting across from me. My mommy ears are always on. This fact is exhausting. Mom mode won’t turn off even when daddy has taken over. But I digress. That problem is for another post.
Selective Hearing
Kayla has what many of us parents like to call selective hearing. Although many neurotypical kids suffer from this as well, children with ADHD and ASD may legitimately not hear what we say. Before my daughter had her smartwatch (and anytime it’s dead), getting her attention outside sometimes feels impossible. I’ve lost count with the amount of times my heart has been trapped in my throat while my writer mind goes to horrible, dark places before she finally responds. I’ve shouted her name so loud that my voice echoes off the neighboring houses. I live in rural Missouri and have 13 acres between me and my neighbors, so when I say that my voice echoes off other houses (and okay—perhaps our barns too), I mean that I screamed her name.
Anyone want to guess the average times it takes for her to hear me?
In short, too many.
What about us?
How do you think God feels when we voice filter him? Communication with God is a two-way street. The conversation doesn’t happen like ones with fellow humans. We don’t hear God’s voice directly. However, the Bible encourages us to pray without ceasing, to pray about…well, everything. Our cares are meant for God’s shoulders. And, as his sheep, we’re to always be tuned in to our Good Shepherd’s voice. He’s talking to us through the Holy Spirit all the time. If we pay attention, our hearts can understand his directions and commands. If we listen, we can feel his loving words, “my good and faithful servant.”
Here’s how to listen better:
Come up with a list of people whose voice you’d recognize in an instant. You don’t have to look at caller ID to know who they are once they say hello. I’ve been guilty of answering with a masked voice as a voice. It’s had hilarious results, but it’s only funny if I know they’ll be thrown off. For that to happen, they have to be able to recognize my voice immediately in normal conditions.
Why do you think you know the list of names so well? Either you have an amazing ear or—and more realistically—you know those people well. You talk to them enough to know who they are by their voice alone. It works the same with God. The more we listen, the more we can distinguish between God, gut and guilt. These are the voices that often compete in my head, and I often have a hard time telling them apart.
- Practice sitting with open ears and no distractions. See if God wants to say something. Practice makes perfect, as they say.
- Read/study God’s word. He will never contradict it. If you feel like God is tell you to do something that is clearly against his will, you ARE NOT listening to God. The enemy has your ear.
Here’s how to help our kids listen better:
Remember above when I mentioned the voice filters? Kids have great working filters. They hear what they want to hear and ignore what they don’t want to hear. It’s like they are always wearing invisible headphones. What voices do you know but rather not listen to? Come on, you know you can think of at least one person—the one whose words make you automatically roll your eyes because you dislike the majority of what they say. Sometimes there’s a cue, such as “well, I think…” or “no offense, but…”
Our children have the same feelings. If 90% of what they hear from us is negative and critical, they will put our voices on the unimportant list. They don’t want to hear how bad they are all the time. Neither do we. However, if we find the good, validate their feelings and encourage them, they will want to hear what we have to say. Our words will motivate them to listen, to recognize our voice in the mist of all the nay-sayers and the negative thought patterns in their own brains.
- Practice saying more positive things than negative things. My high school choir teacher used to tell us to sandwich our corrections. She taught us to give an uplifting comment before and after the criticism. Remember to T.H.I.N.K.
- Let’s talk with our kids, not just at them. Let’s have back-and-forth conversations (if the child is capable). Let’s learn more about them while being a safe place where all thoughts can travel.
Just as we want our children to listen when we call, God wants his children to listen when he calls.
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