Sharing is caring. Thanks for the support!

“Pay attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.”

Galatians 6:4 (NLT)

Sometimes it’s very hard to look in the mirror and instead of others. And not just because we stayed up too late and neglected makeup in the morning or forgot to brush our hair.

For the purpose of demonstration—without throwing anyone’s else’s kid under the bus—I’m going to write a little fiction. All the names are entirely made up. The conversation didn’t actually happen. Consider it a merging of sorts, a likely scenario between my AuDHD daughter and me.

Fade in

Me: How was your day at school?

Kayla: I had a great day because I caught five bugs on the playground.

Me: That’s great, honey. Did you get into any trouble?

Kayla: Well, yeah, but so did most of the class. Tommy kicked Nicki and Cindy said “Shut up.” All I did was get out of my seat without permission. It’s not fair. 

Me: We’re talking about you, not the other kids. I don’t care what they do. I only care about what you do…

crickets chirp

Me: What did the teacher do about you getting out of your seat?

Kayla: <shrug> I think I had to walk a lap. Tommy had to walk three laps.

Me: We’re talking about you, remember?

Kayla: audible eye rolls

Me: 😑

Fade out

Sometimes we Christians—and our children—like to use other people as our stepping stool to Heaven. As long as we aren’t as bad as those people, we can feel good about ourselves. The verses before (1-3) speak about helping those who are stuck in sin get out. A warning goes along with that: we need to be mindful we don’t fall into the same pit.

This requires looking in the mirror.

Because we are all responsible for our own behavior no matter how it compares to our Tommys.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the next instructions are to keep our focus on our own work. I really like the NASB1995 translation: “…then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another (emphasis in translation).” When God judges us, he’s not going to put us next to our neighbor and judge accordingly.

Holiness in not graded on a curve.

Seeing others fail might make us feel better, but it certainly doesn’t make us act better. And in the end, it really doesn’t make us look better. As the next verse says, “…we are each responsible for our own conduct.”

Our kids need to see this truth. Yes, they struggle with their various complexities, but comparing themselves to others only leads to disaster—whether they’re seeing themselves as better or worse. And, boy, is it tempting to compare ourselves to others when we think no one could possibly understand our individual burdens. When we see parents who look like they have it all together. Parents who can somehow get their children through homework, cook dinner and do laundry all in one evening. This kind of thinking sends many kids (and adults) into a tailspin of low self-esteem or an esteem built on the backs of others.

---

So, let’s help our kids to keep their eyes on their own work and stand on their own merit.