“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”
Proverbs 3:11-12
What is your discipline? What does the word even mean? Without answering the second question, we can hardly answer the first.
The Hebrew word used in the above verse for discipline is musar, pronounced “moo-sawr.” Most of the uses are translated into the word “train” or “instruction.” The Hebrew word for rebuke is towkechah, pronounced “to-kay-khaw.” This word means to correct. You can look up the word here and here. The second use of disciplines is actually a completely different Hebrew word. As I researched this translation, my brain kind of exploded, so I thought I’d stop and focus on the first two.
*I’m no scholar, so take all of this will a handful of salt.
We see these two words again in Proverbs 15:5, “A fool rejects his father’s (musar), but he who regards (towkechah) is sensible.” And let’s look at Proverbs 4:1–“Hear, O sons, a father’s (musar), and be attentive, that you may gain insight.”
Musar—mainly meaning instruction—is used 50 times, according to Strong’s concordance. Towkechan—mainly meaning to correct—is used only 28 times. I’m talking about the Old Testament here. Greek has its own words for discipline. In fact, Hebrews 12 compares our father’s discipline with The Father’s, saying that God’s discipline is perfect and for our good, although it doesn’t always feel good.
Studying these words has given me a deeper understanding of what raising a child should look at:
Discipline is training.
When my AuDHD daughter started middle school, she had to be taught how to use her locker. I was even confused. Wasn’t it just turn right to the number, left to the next, and this right again? NO. Apparently you need to pass the zero so many times in each direction. After practicing, Kayla became a pro. Her locker opening showed her she did it right. Not opening showed her she’d done it wrong.
She doesn’t enjoy learning things that don’t come easily, which is too bad, because LIFE doesn’t come easily. Children learn to walk. They learn to talk. Kayla had to have extra training in this department until preschool. Life doesn’t come with a manual. The Bible isn’t even life’s manual. It’s God’s inspired Word that tells us truth and gives us wisdom and a moral guide, but it can’t teach us how to change a flat tire.
We parents are the manuals.
The burden to train our children is on our shoulders. When is the last time you trained your kid. Really instructed them? I don’t mean reading, writing and arithmetic. I mean life lessons. Some life lessons are about our bodies and how to care for them. Some deal with morals. Morals are not intuitive. Kids have to learn morality just as much as everything else. Most of the time, they learn through imitation. That’s how they learned to the walk and talk. Babies don’t come into the world with the knowledge of good and bad. God wanted us to wait for these lessons, but we humans got greedy, took it early and messed up EVERYTHING. And now, we have to fight against our nature, which is often selfish and ruthless.
In my opinion, it’s not enough to teach them lying is bad and simply punish them when they lie. My psychiatrist told me once that discipline is illumination. The goal is for the child to understand their actions. This means knowing the what, why and how.
- What they did wrong/right
- Why it was wrong/right
- How their actions impacted the people around them
Discipline is distinct from correction.
Although they are closely tied, as we see in the scriptures above, they are not the same thing. Correction is just a part of discipline. And furthermore, correction doesn’t always mean punishment. Correction is often giving illumination. It’s warning, rebuking. It’s confronting falsity with truth.
Jesus disciplined his disciples. He trained them about how to live in God’s kingdom. When they were wrong, Jesus corrected them. Other than the time he cleared the temple, he used words. Powerful words. Words that tore bone from marrow. God’s Word is considered a sword for a reason. And Jesus was God’s Word made flesh. Many times, words are enough.
I’m not saying that there is no room for spankings and rewards. Our Heavenly Father gives us both. But ask yourself: What is your discipline? Do you only reward and punish or do you take time to instruct, teach and train? I know I need to be better in this area.
There’s no way around it; we must discipline our kids. We are their manuals. Let’s make sure we know God’s word well enough to be well-written manuals.
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