“My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus [the] Christ, the one who is truly righteous.”
1 John 2:1 (bracket is mine)
When we have complex kids, advocacy day could be any day. You never know when you’ll get that call saying your child is suspended from summer school for a day because of autistic behaviors. You’re confused. Don’t they know why your child is acting this way?
No, because someone dropped the ball.
And then who knows? You might make arrangements for your child to get special help at camp then drive three and a half hours only to find out that’s not going to happen. Then, less than 24 hours later, you may be driving those three and a half hours back home with your child instead of leaving them for a week of fun.
Again, because someone dropped the ball.
These examples are not hypothetical. They’ve happened to my ADHD/ASD preteen all within a two month period. There are other incidences I could bring up, but I’m writing a blog, not a book (well, not this kind anyway).
In the past, after advocating, I would feel guilty. Like I’d been pushy and should have just let things be. Like standing up for my daughter was somehow wrong.
But it’s not! And here’s why:
The Bible is full of advocation:
“So Moses returned to the Lord and said, ‘Oh, what a terrible sin these people have committed. They have made gods of gold for themselves. But now, if you will only forgive their sin—but if not, erase my name from the record you have written.’”
Exodus 32:31-32 (NLT)
and
“When David saw the angel, he said to the Lord, ‘I am the one who has sinned and done wrong! But these people are as innocent as sheep—what have they done? Let your anger fall against me and my family.’”
2 Samuel 24:17 (NLT)
and
“When these celebrations ended…Job would purify his children. He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, ‘Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts.’ This was Job’s regular practice.”
Job 1:5 (NLT)
and
“As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ He fell to his knees, shouting, ‘Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!’ And with that, he died.”
Acts 7:59-60 (NLT)
And let’s not forget about Esther putting her life on the line to stand up for the Jews. Let’s remember Abigail, whose intervention saved all the men in her household from vengeful slaughter.
Here are some things to consider for your next advocacy day:
- Be respectful so they want to listen.
- Don’t yell or scream and use profanity—this only shuts their ears.
- Make your desires clear.
- If you’re too vague, no solid plan will come out of the discussion. At the best, you’ll get them to want to help but not know how, which is like handing The Little Mermaid a fork and just telling her to use it.
- Come prepared with facts, records, diagnosis, testimonies, etc.
- The past is evidence for the presence. For example, I would bring a list of times Kayla has eloped to show it’s a problem that needs a solution.
- Last but certainly NOT least, pray for guidance and wisdom.
- He’ll give it guaranteed (James 1:5). We cannot do this alone.
- Bring support if you can, such as a mediator, an organization for your child’s speciality, or an attorney.
- He’ll give it guaranteed (James 1:5). We cannot do this alone.
Here’s an article you can read on this subject.
Don’t be afraid to step up and advocate for your complex kids.
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