“How I delight in your commands! How I love them!”
Psalms 119:47
At times it’s hard to be a fan of rules. Especially man-made ones we don’t agree with. But traffic laws keep us safe. Diving in shallow waters is dangerous. Laws help keep our worst instincts in check. I’m sorry, but no, you can’t just punch someone because that person gave you a dirty look or said something rude.
Even if you really, REALLY want to. I guess you technically can, but there will be consequences that might not be worth the satisfaction.
If adults don’t always like the rules, imagine how our kids feel about them. Our complex kids even more so because their executive functioning is delayed, so they don’t see the future benefits of the rules—their protective qualities. To them, rules take the fun away. But, in reality, boundaries keep them safe, healthy, and whole.
Unfortunately, when our neurodivergent kids have impulsive and hyperactive tendencies, extra rules are often needed. The impulsiveness and delayed maturity often means they do things younger kids do. For example, my ADHD/ASD daughter has cracked eggs on the backs of turkeys—just cuz. I think maybe she wanted to “paint” them? I’m still not sure what her motivations were.
It was a what-on-earth moment, for sure. I couldn’t have predicted her doing that even if I owned a working crystal ball. To make matters more complex, I was planning to take her with me to my writers’ group the next day. My friend’s house would give Kayla plenty of ornery opportunities. So, that night, I went through a list of rules for her to follow:
- Don’t play with the hose or turn on the outside faucet;
- Always keep your walkie talkie on you;
- Don’t take things out of a container so you can put a critter in it;
- Don’t go past the street;
- If you lift up something to hunt for bugs/critters, put it back exactly as it was.
When I gave her these rules, she teared up and at one point said, “But then I can’t have any fun!” She was mainly concerned about not having a place to put the critters she would find, so I allowed her to bring her own bucket and the bottom of an old litter box.
We’ve had to come up with more since then… I forgot to tell her not to give the dogs a dirt bath.
Now that she’s old enough to stay home while I and her daddy have a date night, I try to remember to put specific rules on the dry erase board, so she has clear instructions. Due to food sneaking, we even lock up certain cupboards. She hates this and feels like we don’t trust her. The truth…we don’t. Not in certain areas at least. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Sometimes us parents may feel the same as our kids. Sometimes being a Christian can feel like all the fun has been sucked out of our lives. But God doesn’t weigh us down with burdensome commands (1 John 5:3). His rules ALWAYS benefit us. They keep us safe, healthy, and whole.
Our children need rules, and our complex kids might need even more. Let’s keep them fair and reasonable, not burdensome. For their benefit, not ours.
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