“But Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.”
Luke 2:19
Mary did you know…you’d have the most complex child of them all? Who would better understand having a child that doesn’t fit in more than Mary? She gave birth to CHRIST! While all the other kids’ sinful natures started to show their ugly heads, Jesus made good choices. If he’d been born in today’s time, he would have been ostracized as a goodie-two-shoes. No one would have invited him to a party because he’d tell everyone what they were doing was wrong. Mary had this perfect God child to raise. Sure, as a baby, Jesus cried like all babies. That’s called communication, not sin. And maybe as a toddler, he might have pulled a beard or two too hard. But at some point, he knew right from wrong and chose right…EVERY TIME. His sinless nature must have confused and perplexed his parents often.
Jesus might have been the most complex child that ever lived.
My AuDHD daughter was born complex.
I was so excited when Kayla turned two because she was FINALLY old enough to participate in mommy-daughter fun. After being cooped up with little to do, we were going to enjoy activities like tumbling at the YMCA and children’s story time and crafts at the library.
But soon everything went horribly wrong.
Please don’t judge me too harshly. She is my first (and only) child, and I didn’t know how to properly respond to her complex nature. She’d begun the “terrible twos” at eighteen months, so I knew she was a bit of a handful, but I just thought ALL kids were the same.
Well, not the ones that meet up for story time at the library.
Noooooo
Every single other toddler sat quietly in their mother’s lap and shyly listened to the story. No other child tried to steal the book from the reader, interrupted with random thoughts and questions, or ran around the circle playing duck, duck, goose. While everyone else was doing the movements to the song, Kayla either refused or did her own thing (usually involving animal sounds and motions that had nothing to do with the song). No one but my sweet Kayla made a giant mess with the craft supplies while trying to go above and beyond the simple project.
I was super proud about that part. She’s always been so creative!
She didn’t fit into the “normal” mold of childhood.
In the end, however, I left the library frustrated and embarrassed. We tried again a couple times, but she acted the same way every time. Then I started feeling unwelcome by the reader. Eventually, I gave up and stopped going. Shame on me, I know. Kayla was just so different, and I didn’t know how to react. When I talked to my cousins, they were confused because their kids acted just like Kayla. We decided that all those quiet, calm children were the weird ones 😜.
Tumbling and T-ball went the same. For tumbling, she couldn’t sit on her designated circle to save her life. When it came time to use the equipment, she would only do to the “fun” stations and even then, do things her own way. Why balance on a beam when you can army crawl under it? In T-ball, she’d throw down her glove if another kid got the ball she wanted. She didn’t understand teamwork. Once bored, she’d just wander around the field picking dandelions.
We need to let our complex kids go their own pace.
These things shouldn’t have embarrassed me, but they did. I had looked forward to being a soccer mom. To have a child busy in organized sports and clubs. She’s just now (at age 12) ready for a team sport. When she realized all her teammates had experience in other sports, she was embarrassed. I tried to explain that she had not been ready until now and reminded her she’d been on the swim team, which she said “didn’t count.”
Still, she brings a stuffed animal to each practice for comfort. She gets easily frustrated when she fails and often acts odd. All her teammates are supportive: I have to say that’s a wonderful miracle I wasn’t expecting. She’s socializing better than ever and learning what it means to be on a team with teammates who depend on her to give her best.
It’s hard not to compare.
Every Christmas is a challenge for my daughter. Her favorite cousin is growing up faster, so now Kayla is playing with the younger cousins. One day, though, they might outgrow her too. She won’t play games with the whole family or watch a movie all together unless forced to, which is very draining for me.
Also, every Christmas, I wonder if Mary compared Jesus with the other boys. I wonder how well Jesus fit in with his friends and family. What happened when a relative made a crude joke and everyone but Christ laughed? Was Jesus bullied by the other kids in his village? Did they put him in situations where he turned to other cheek? I doubt that the ridicule started only after he started his mission. He was different before then. The Bible doesn’t give us much inside information, but we know that at twelve, he hung out with torah scholars and expected his parents to know he’d be there. You can read the story here.
Being different isn’t bad. Let’s let our kids stick out as the cool complex children they are and go at their own unique pace.
If you have Disney Plus, I suggest watching Float. It’s an awesome visual for this concept!
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