“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Proverbs 13:24 (NIV)
To discipline means to love. [Disclaimer: All scholarly knowledge comes straight from a sermon I heard. I can’t take the credit]. And, no, this is NOT a discussion about spanking our children.
What is Love, anyway?
Love is a tricky word. It slips from our tongue so often, sincerely and insincerely. We “love” a flavor of ice cream as passionately as we “love” our families. God’s never ending, always and forever love and the world’s love are two very different things. Not that God disapproves of romantic, neighborly, brotherly, maternal, or paternal love. These types of love are wonderful if within the scope of God’s Will. But all these are weak and fragile next to Agape love. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 for the definition of God’s love.
Unconditional Love
We humans put all sorts of conditions and qualifications on love. It must be earned, can be lost, and is often based on emotions/feelings. The world says that to love means an all-encompassing acceptance. Disagreement equals hates.
Imagine if we “loved” our complex children that way—if our love fluctuated with our emotions and we never contradicted their behavior. Two things would happen:
- Their disobedience, disrespect and dishonesty would lose our love.
- Their disobedience, disrespect and dishonesty would go unchecked.
And imagine what kind of adults they’d grow into! 😬
In today’s verse, the root word for rod also means scepter, which also means authority. If we don’t exercise our authority, we are hating our children. To exercise authority means to discipline. And to discipline means to love. There are four areas of discipline:
- Encouragement
- Counsel
- Admonishment
- Rebuke
None of these areas require abuse—physical or mental. They require discipline and self-control on our part. How do we ever know which one to use in which circumstance? Wisdom. How do we get that? Through prayer:
If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:5
Only God knows how to perfectly discipline our unique children. So ask him.
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